Ask QC: I am a Sugar Daddy!

Dear QC,

I’m a 37 year old married man. Three and a half years ago I met a young man who just came out. We met in a very unusual way. I was leaving a therapy appointment and he was the next appointment. For weeks we would see each other during that time betwen appointments and would open up to each other a little at a time. I was going to therapy
to try to figure out gay thoughts I was having and that I had recently acted out on and he was a freshman at college and dealing with coming out in a very traditional family.

One day, about 4 months after we met, we started talking in the office and then decided to meet later to talk. We opened up to each other and became casual friends and I encourged him to come out to his family. Unfortunately, it didn’t go well for him and they cut him off. By this time I knew I was looking to have a guy on the side and I had told him
about it. I was looking to set up a young guy in an apartment and give him $4000.00 a month cash on the condition that we have sex whenever I want and that he get tested for STD’s monthly. He asked me if I’d be interested in him. I was very attracted to him and I took him up on his offer.

He just graduated college with an economics degree and got a good job in the banking industry (I am also the President of division of a large bank). He’s very smart and was recruited while still attending classes. I thought this would be the end of our relationship. Surprisingly, he told me that he wanted to continue seeing me but that he no longer wanted money from me and he was going to move to a place he could afford on his own. He told me that he loved me and that it was never all about the money for him. During this entire time we never told each other we loved each other. Our time together grew to be not just about sex but going out to diner, him making me dinner, going to the movies, watching TV together, going to the theater – we made a life together without me even realizing it.

I have had to admit to myself that I love him too but I am married with three kids and don’t know what to do. I was looking forward to leading an honest life with my wife and giving up these desires for men. I have only been with two other men before meeting up with this guy who has become a huge part of my life. I am so torn and confused. I could see myself spending my life with this guy and actually coming out myself. I also can’t see myself not having him in my life anymore. On the other hand, I still have a good sex life with my wife although it’s not as passionate as with this guy. I am sure I am bi and not gay
because I really do like having sex with both of them.

I am so confused and just don’t know which way to turn at this point. It’s hard when you really have no one to talk to about any of these really intimate details of your life. Any serious suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks, V

Hi V and thanks for writing in with your questions and concerns. It’s not always easy coming to terms with being gay or coming out as we all have our different circumstances and upbringings. And everyone has their own story of how they’ve overcome this despite those difficulties. But the great thing is that gay/bi/trans cover a very broad spectrum and we (thankfully) we can’t all be neatly pigeon holed or categorized – so I’m sure there are others here who may have experienced similar circumstances to your own. So dear QC readers what advice would you give V? If you have any advice or comments then please feel free to leave your opinions and experiences in the QComments section!
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