PataPorn With Chinpoko!
The New Year has inspired Chinpoko. He wants this year’s porn to be even hotter than last year’s. What does that mean for you? More reviews and more joy… and more bitchiness from a six-inch talking cock! Maybe now’s a good time to remind everyone that Chinpoko’s remarks don’t necessarily reflect the opinion of QC and it’s other staffers! But we guess there’s no way around it, let’s PataPorn With Chinpoko!
Sean Cody: Twins – Jeff and John
Chinpoko sings! (again):
But they’re cousins, identical cousins and you’ll find,
They laugh alike, the jack alike, at times they even cum a like.
You can loose your load,
When cousins are on Sean Cod…y.
Yes I know the ending doesn’t really rhyme, but work with me people—I’m just a dick. And yes, I know Jeff and John aren’t cousins. They’re two, hot brothers. Mr. Cody pulls out all the stops this year. I originally planned on giving you boys a play-by-play, or (as we like to say in the porn world) a stroke-by-stroke. However, I really think you need to just see this shit to believe it. Like the post says, the hottest parts are when John watches his brother jack. Is it wrong that I want to see them make out and suck one another off?
Chaos Men: Bryan and Tobias
Hottest post of the week if you ask me, and well, you did. I do love Bryan from Chaos Men and not only because he gives us such hotties. I also love that he just cuts to the chase. But most importantly, BRYAN PAYS ATTENTION TO THE COCK! I swear to God, the man knows what to do. While his face stayed buried in Tobias’ ass cheeks, what did Bryan do? He stroked the cock. Even though he couldn’t see, partially blinded by Bryan’s ass cheeks, what did he do? He stroked the cock. Bryan keeps his priorities straight, or in this case gay. He pulled and caressed Tobias’ cock like an Incan idol to be cherished and worshipped. And rightly so! Tobias has got a beautiful, long cock and I bet it’d love to be real good in Bryan’s hole.
I also have to admit that I loved the ass teasing. Bryan slid his wet head back and forth against the lips of Tobias’ ass. Tobias loved it. He moaned and sighed, and they both started doing some dirty talk. And you know how I feel about dirty talking—I came right there. I did. It got a migraine, my head throbbing so hard. And when my head hurts that bad, there’s only one thing to do—shoot like a motherfuckin’ oil spout in Dallas.
Again, hottest post of the week. And the biggest reason why, I think, is because I almost felt like I was watching two men in their bedroom. They way Bryan and Tobias would whisper to one another, so sweetly and intensely. It felt intimate. I know… how fuckin’ romantic!
Leo “Zoolander” Giamani
Does my lil’ Leo get any hotter? Well I guess he’s not that little. How big is his cock anyway? Personally I want a Leo dildo. Yeah, I know—as a cock, I don’t have an ass to fuck, but I’d still like to have his cock around the house. Almost like an idol–something for me to aspire to when I work out. Or take pictures with, like a cardboard cut out at the fair. But I must say, in the second picture, is that Leo Giamani or Leo “Zoolander” Giamani?
Cocky Boys: Jackson Wild and Kevin Cavalli
I’m so excited. Between all the fucking and the blowing, a poor lil’ dick can get overwhelmed. So when someone’s getting a massage, I’m all about it. You know why? Because it’s all about ME. Yeah, you say it’s about relaxing the whole body… but that’s bullshit. That masseuse just wants to pull, suck, and jerk that dick off. Needless to say, I was thrilled to download the newest massage video on Cocky Boys. As the screen turned to black and the Cockyboys label appeared, I could barely keep myself contained. And then… and then…
Worst. Massage. Ever.
My great-grandfather Peter Penis could have made a hotter video. First of all let’s talk about the banter. Jackson Wild and Kevin Cavall are cute, real hot actually, but boys… don’t talk. I know what you’re going to say—don’t talk. I know you think it might be interesting and might add mystique to the porn, but it doesn’t—don’t talk. Also, Kevin Cavalli’s hands have the finesse of Rosie O’Donnell on a variety show. He wasn’t massaging Jackson; it looked like he was petting the neighbor’s cat that smells like piss and gin. There’s really so much wrong here, that if I didn’t owe it to my readers, I would have stopped watching the video. I thought the cum shot would be exciting, but nope… not really. Heck, not even Jackson is super hard when he comes. Guess he wasn’t too into it either.
Sorry to be so harsh this week kids, but it’s a new year and it’s time to up the porn ante! I’m looking for super hot, super good stuff. You hear that, world?!? You hear that, pornmasters? Chinpoko is READY FOR A NEW YEAR! So bring it, but until then, get out there and get turned on!
