Staying Close

Barbara Cook, Ben Affleck, Cyndi Lauper, Gregory Meeks, Christina and Dick Gephardt front PFLAG’s Stay Close campaign which encourages families and friends to stay close to the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people in their lives. It reminds us that a GLBT loved one is the same person that you knew before they disclosed their sexual orientation – the same person that you loved unconditionally.
(via TimmyRay)
Besides digging the bubble gummy colours of the campaign, I can’t help but be brought back to late last year, when I came out to my mum. On her 50th birthday. Yup. It just happened.
It feels like eons, but it was only 4 months ago. I brought my mum to this fancy but cosy restaurant (they serve a mean steak!) as she had requested for a good piece of steak since she couldn’t remember the last time she had one. She had earlier suggested another restaurant which was much more affordable but I thought we could have that any other day. I wanted her to have the best on her birthday. So we were there in the restaurant, and mum and I (my younger bro couldn’t make it due to work) were just talking casually and catching up. Mostly about her recent developments with this guy she’s been seeing (her-husband-my-dad abandoned us a long time ago). She was anxious to know my thoughts and opinion on the issue and was also worried I would be disappointed or angry with her for dating other men. She thought she’d been unfaithful to my dad. On the contrary, I couldn’t be happier that she’s finally stopped waiting up for my dad’s return and ended her life as a living widow.
With that, we sorta dwelved into personal issues. I told her she should quit worrying about how others would see her. Then I went on to tell her about how I used to be so very bothered about people’s opinion of me, and trying to be more of a person than I really was and not. I worried about my own inadequacies. I worried about not being the best. I worried about being different. I worried about the possibility of being gay (I was still bearing hope that it could just be a phase, a temporary nightmare). Through the years of suppression and denial, it became second nature and so easy to brush aside the desperate need that’s been building inside me to seek out who I really was. Life went on like this, and the saddest thing was I thought I was okay and everything was alright. Subconsciously, I was waiting for someone to come throw me a lifeline. That rescue did come eventually, in the form of a dashing white knight in a Maserati Quattroporte. Ha, but that’s a different story which I may share some other time. =)
I’ve been a really good boy and never gave my mum any problems. I didn’t have any gay “lifestyle” to hide from my mum, apart from seeing my boyfriend. I’m just like the straight boy next door. I don’t club, smoke, nor drink (Ok, I think the straight boy next door do all these alot better than me, so this is a bad comparison, but you get my drift). I don’t bring boys back. I don’t sleep around. So for years, I didn’t have any questions thrown my way. My mum did occasionally ask if I was seeing any girls. The thing is I did see this girl for a while (before I figured pussies grossed me out) so that bought me some tokens. My mum left me alone.
Until that birthday night.
I went on to tell her that instead of worrying about how people see me these days, I’ve grown to live life the way I want, as long as I do not harm others. I wanted her to do the same. This was when she propped the million dollar question. In retrospect, I think she couldn’t have asked it in a funnier way. Her exact words were:
“Mummy has a question for you, and I want you to tell me the truth. The fact that I am asking means I’m well prepared for anything.”
(Gulp. Big uh-oh. I could smell what’s heading my way and even the prime steak couldn’t help me this time!)
“Er…what question?”
“You do not like women sexually right?”
“GULP!” *Faints*
You’d be glad the ambulance didn’t have to come. I almost but didn’t faint. It wasn’t a debate at all whether I should grit my teeth and bare all. It was more about how to phrase my answer. There’s no way to sugar-coat the words “I am gay, mom”.
So I told my mum the truth, in the same fashion that her question was shot.
“I am not straight mum.”
“What do you mean?”
“Er…I think that means I am crooked.”
And we both laughed.
My mum heaved a huge sigh of relief, walked over to my side of the table, and gave me a HUGE, WARM, hug. She then said the most unbelievable thing I’ve ever heard:
“Thank you. Thanks for trusting me with the truth.”
I stood there, tears uncontrollably trailing down both of my cheeks…the cold years of angst, fear and self-denial, thawing away in her comforting embrace…
I got my final validation and salvation there and then. I was still the same son.
The rest of the dinner was thoroughly amusing and enjoyable. We spoke about EVERYTHING for the first time!! No holds barred. Topics ranged from “do you think your daddy and I are responsible for your being gay?” to “so do you give your boyfriend blowjobs then?”. It was totally surreal. I must have done alotta good in my previous life.
That very night, I picked up my brother from work and came out to him as well. The boy looked me in the eye and said “cool”. We went on to chat till the wee hours. I was still the same brother.
Last week, my mum, my bro, my boyfriend, and myself had dinner together for the first time. It felt so natural and right. I have everything I’ve ever wished for, and a whole lot more. I’m so blessed and I’m thankful.
So there, that’s my coming out story to my family.
I have not planned on getting personal like this (‘cos really, QC is about smut, isn’t it!?) and jeopardising my career as a porn-blogger. This is most probably going to be the one and only post I’d be spewing in this manner. Hope I didn’t freak some of you out! If I had, please be assured QC is not turning into your next soap blog. =)
Stay close, folks. ((((HUGS))))